This journey has shriveled up and died. The bottom line is this...if you cut off the food supply all living creatures and entities will eventually surrender to defeat.
This blog was begun and fueled by negativity and angst. I was annoyed with my house, my country, my job, and my life. Then while working with my best friend I had a moment of clarity. And in that moment I did an amazing thing...
I took my finger off the self destruction button.
As soon as I did that everything looked different. I looked around my house and thought...
"Damn. This place is really beautiful."
I had been beating up myself for not achieving perfection instead of patting myself on the back for literally doing the impossible.
I then developed a 'look up' tactic. I had spent so many years looking down as I walked to avoid continuously twisting my ankle on the medieval cobblestone that paves the streets of my precious city. I had been so busy cursing the cobblestone that I never actually looked up to see what my neighborhood had to offer.
So with a simple spin of the situation I have now discovered a beauty that makes me smile every morning on my way to work...Even when I do twist my ankle.
As far as my life goes, I can say for certainty that the self destruct button is a funny thing. The moment I took my finger off, it disappeared. I have tried to find it a few times since its vanishing act with no avail. For example, I have tried on many occasions to post on this blog. But every time, I had either nothing to say, a total block, or an annoyance at the idea of blogging all together. This blog was a promotion of my negativity and angst. This blog died the day the self-destruct button vanished.
So where do I go from here?
I have a new blog. Its an idea Ive been playing with for years and now it finally has a home. The blog is BunkaMadison and some of the 1st posts are already up.
As this chapter of my life closes, I am walking away knowing one thing to be true:
If I do ever find myself with my finger on the self destruct button again, it will be the direct result of me going out of my way and actively searching for and finding that button. It would be a deliberate sabotage of myself. And it would be a rebirth of this dead post.